Recently this week, well almost every day this week, one of my friends asked me for guy advice. You have to know, I’m probably the last person you should ask for help with any kind of relationship type ideas. As sad as it sounds, I’ve never been in one, and I’m pretty much the worst about the subject. (Which is probably why I’ve never been in a relationship before.) But of course, she is one of my dearest friends so I could just dismiss her plea. So I took a deep breathe and went for it. Ah!
I’m sure her guy problems are ones many can relate to. She met this guy in class she has a crush on, and she isn’t sure if he likes her back. They do see each other on a regular basis and they are friends, but she isn’t sure if he wants to date her.
I listened to her, did the best I could to support and give advice; and the good news: it turned out ok! We had a great discussion, and we both brought up points I think are worth sharing.
So here is my advice to any girl who has a crush on a guy. Maybe he doesn’t like you back, or maybe you’re like my friend and you don’t know. Either way, read up girls and pass along the word. We sisters have to stay together.
DON’T READ INTO IT
How many times has someone done something and we think to ourselves, “oh, that must mean this…” and we’ve been completely wrong! Please raise your hand, we’re all human. Yes you; everyone’s hand should be up right now. You know what I mean. You text him a long heart felt text. It takes 20 minutes to write, you used a thesaurus, you looked on Pinterest for inspiration, and it was edited by three of your most trusted friends before you send it. You wait and wait, but he doesn’t respond for 6 hours, 39 minutes, 21 seconds, and 1 millisecond. The text he sends is only 12 words long, so he must not like you.
This is 100% reading into something. The problem with reading into something is we make assumptions. The problem with making assumptions, is we don’t always have the facts. The problem with reading into something and making assumptions without having all the facts is we have a chance of coming to the wrong conclusion.
It’s like playing the board game Clue, but you’re missing a couple cards. So when you make a suggestion and no one has the card you are looking for, you think it’s because that’s the one in the case file. So you make an accusation with all confidence, only to find out you’re completely wrong. Well life can be a lot like that too when we just assume or read into things. Often time this leads us to the wrong conclusion. The problem with coming to the wrong conclusion is our feelings get hurt for no reason. And who wants that?
So when he doesn’t text back right away don’t take it as a sign that he doesn’t like you. There are several reasons why someone doesn’t answer immediately. He could be busy doing something else and not have to time to respond until a few hours later. He may be taking a phone free day. He may have seen it, texted you, but forget to push send (we’re all guilty of it). He could also be the type of person who means to reply but forgets until a couple days late (that is 100% me. If I don’t reply right away, you’ll probably never hear from me again).
As for the number of words he sends, it honestly doesn’t matter. So please stop counting.
So again, don’t read into anything. If you want to know for sure, just ask.
BE YOUR SELF
I get that feelings are a tricky thing, but if someone doesn’t like you, then they don’t like you, and you can’t always change that. I know that probably sounds harsh, but I don’t mean it in that way. One of the greatest life lessons I have learn (and keep trying to improve in) is not caring what others think of me. I’ve had to learn time and time again that you can’t control what people think or do, so it’s not worth the time trying to change that.
If you understand your worth, and someone else does not, why would you worry about what they think about you? Why would you worry if they like you or not? Why would you try to change yourself, your beautiful, amazing, crazy, ambitious, sweet, outgoing, shy, caring self? Is being with that person really worthy changing who you are? No it’s not. The bottom line is, if they can’t handle your beautiful, awkward, amazing self, then they don’t deserve you, and they aren’t worth your time.
The funny thing about life is similarities tend to attract each other. The crazy people will find the crazy people. The shy people will find the shy people. The outgoing people find the outgoing people. If you want to find someone that matches and compliments your personality, lifestyle, and over all being, you have to be yourself. You can’t fake it or put on a facade. Why would you want to be something you are not just to try to be with someone who maybe isn’t that great for you?
KNOW YOUR WORTH
Just to add on to what I said above: you’re worth is priceless. Period. No questions asked. How do I know this even though I don’t know you? Because I know each person is unique. No two people are ever exactly the same. We might have similarities, but no two people are exactly a like. You are you and no one can ever compare to that.
Think about all the ancestors you have. Not including siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins; just drawing a straight line back: You, mother and father, grandmother and grandfather, great-grandmother and great-grandfather, etc, that is thousands of people. Everything little detail of their past has lead to making you just the way you are: hair colour, height, nationality, religion, and so much more. There is no way another you can ever be created. It is impossible.
So knowing you are one of a kind, treat yourself that way. When you treat yourself that way, others will too. And if someone is too blind to realise how unique you are and what a privileged it is that they live in the same time era and part of the world as you, then they shouldn’t matter in your life. Because honestly, it is a privileged to know you. Think of all the people on the earth now. Now think of all the people who have ever lived for thousands of years. These people you’re worrying about could have been born in the Stone Ages, and they never would have known you. Tell them that and let them think about it for a little while.
KNOW THEIR WORTH
Everything I just said above applies to not only you, but they guy you like too. You are one of a kind, and he is one of kind. So as much as you want to and should be respected, he deserves that same respect.
TALK ABOUT IT
Not everyone is as blunt as I am, and that’s ok. But since I am a pretty blunt person, I’m just going to cut to the change. You want my advice on how to figure out if the person you like likes you back? What do you do? It’s simple: ask them. I know it’s crazy simple, but sometimes the plainest of truths are hard to swallow, so I’ll say it again:
That’s right you heard me. If you like someone and you want it to go somewhere with it, talk to them about it. Either one of two things will happen. One, they will like you back, and then you can start dating, you’ll have a significant other, you can get married, and happily have many babies. Two, they won’t like you. And I know the latter sounds absolutely soul crushing and heart breaking, but it doesn’t have to be. Either result is good. One the one hand you get what you want. On the other you final know they don’t like you, and you can move on with your life and find someone who actually does like you.
Sure it’s terrifying, but is it really that bad? Which is worse: actually telling them and moving on, or living with the fear not knowing what they really think of you for years, and every time you see them you act all awkward around them, and then you run home crying because you were so embraced, and you swear you will never go in public again?
I know which one I would choose, but that’s just me.
And if he doesn’t like you, don’t worry about it. No matter how wonderful and amazing you think he his, or he makes you feel, there is someone waiting for you out there that is 1000x better than him. So why would you waste your time worrying about it?
Sure you can be upset for a short time. Play your sad music, eat some ice cream, watch movies that make you cry, but then move on. Life is too short to wallow away think about someone who doesn’t think about you as much.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Don’t worry about the guy.
Stop waiting and go live your life as the one of a kind beautiful, crazy, amazing girl you are. If you really like him and nothing’s happening, take the initiative. If it doesn’t go the way you want, cry it off and find someone better. Though it may seem hard now, there is someone a million times better than the guy you are pining over. Go find him, if he hasn’t found you yet. If you are having trouble finding him make yourself the best you you can be. Learn new skills, get a degree or promotion, buy a dog, travel, go out with friends. Don’t put your life on hold for anyone, especially if they aren’t really in your life. That way when you do meet the man of your dreams, you are ready for him. You’ll be more incredible than you already are, that he will have no choice but to fall in love with you. Chin up, crown on, and smile. It’ll get better.